moving along.

Things are really, really coming together for me right now. I got a full-time job at a chiropractor's office and I've started school for the first time in FOUR years. I feel very proud of myself. Unfortunately, I'm still burying a lot of hurt underneath all this awesomeness. I'm still grieving Frankie, and I think I will be for a long time.

People who witnessed the relationship between Frankie and me would definitely say it was unhealthy. It went on for a lot longer than it should have, but that was because we really were just absolutely nuts about each other. We weren't compatible in the least bit, but we fucking LOVED each other. It spoiled me in a lot of ways for years. Frankie was my first relationship and it was about as passionate and intense as a relationship can be. I didn't think anyone would ever love me that much again. I didn't think that I would ever love someone that much again. I thought it was just first love magic.

I dated a lot of guys over the past few years. None of them were right for me. I didn't feel a true connection with any of them. I never felt that I could be myself around them the way I could around Frankie. Then I met Rob. I remember telling Renee and my parents that I hadn't felt that way since I was 16 and that awkward greaser followed me around my friend's birthday party. And for this reason I'm grateful for Frankie. If I hadn't experienced that "once in a lifetime" love with him, I wouldn't have been able to recognize it when it actually did show up for a second time. I learned a lot about being in a relationship during my years with Frankie. I grew up a lot. And because of that I had the fucking courage to move away just to see if it would work out with Rob. I was never scared to do it. I knew that it would be worth it because I hadn't felt that way in years. I had to see where it was going to go. Frankie taught me that true love is rare and special and you shouldn't fucking pussyfoot around it. You have to say it out loud a lot and mean it. You have to follow it. It's kind of all that life is.

Rob and I are still nuts about each other, growing closer everyday. Frank sent me a message the other day that said "though you are missed and loved in the Big D, i know Frankie was proud of you for following your heart to Colorado." I think that's true, because Frankie did tell me that. And I don't think I would have done it if I'd never known him.