Last night I got really, really mad. I was sobbing so hard I thought my head was going to explode and all I could think was how stupid he was. Rob was holding me so that I wouldn't completely fall to pieces and I just kept saying "He always makes me so mad." Why would he do this to everyone? Surely he must have known how many people loved him. I don't know why he never thought things through. I don't know why he never thought of anyone but himself. I don't know why as much as I loved him or as much as anyone loved him he couldn't let go of his demons, he couldn't stop going to these dark places. What would it have taken to make him happy? I never knew who the fuck Frankie 45 was. I think he buried himself in that guy. Why couldn't he have just been Frankie?

And I'm still mad. And I just wonder when I'll feel better. It's so weird being in Colorado. The only people I've seen the last couple days are my boyfriend and his sister. There's no way they can understand. I'm sure it's really weird for Rob. Shannon only knows the bad things about Frankie. But goddamn, he was one of the BIGGEST people in my life for years and years. I feel really isolated here. I want to hug Anthony and Frank and my parents. I want to go home.

When do you get over this shit? Fuck him dude. I'm so mad.