Monday, June 13, 2011
from my dad's blog
It's been a hell of a year so far. Glad that it's summer and there's sunshine and a baby girl on the way.
Friday, April 8, 2011
I started a new job this week. That is an insane thing to do when one is 6 months pregnant. Even more so when it requires getting up at 5:30 in the morning. Even more so when I also have 4 hours of school every night and don't get home until after 10 p.m. Even more so when I can't sleep because the baby kicks all night and my back hurts so bad I can hardly walk. I am more exhausted and more overwhelmed than I can possibly explain.
But every night I come home and Rob is there smiling and so excited to kiss me and rub my belly. It makes it really hard to complain. Damn it. I love complaining.
But every night I come home and Rob is there smiling and so excited to kiss me and rub my belly. It makes it really hard to complain. Damn it. I love complaining.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
just got a very intense, concentrated, unexpected burst of overwhelming sadness. like every memory hit me at once. triggered by a photo of the dallas arboretum. it's right across the street from frankie's dad's house. we used to break into it and run around late at night.
heart stopped, hard to breathe.
p.s. sorry this blog has basically become my outlet for dealing with frankie's death. it just helps me sometimes. hard to talk to my boyfriend about it, no matter how sweet and understanding as he is. i'm still dealing with it everyday.
p.p.s. did this really happen? he hung himself?
heart stopped, hard to breathe.
p.s. sorry this blog has basically become my outlet for dealing with frankie's death. it just helps me sometimes. hard to talk to my boyfriend about it, no matter how sweet and understanding as he is. i'm still dealing with it everyday.
p.p.s. did this really happen? he hung himself?
Monday, January 31, 2011
moving along.
Things are really, really coming together for me right now. I got a full-time job at a chiropractor's office and I've started school for the first time in FOUR years. I feel very proud of myself. Unfortunately, I'm still burying a lot of hurt underneath all this awesomeness. I'm still grieving Frankie, and I think I will be for a long time.
People who witnessed the relationship between Frankie and me would definitely say it was unhealthy. It went on for a lot longer than it should have, but that was because we really were just absolutely nuts about each other. We weren't compatible in the least bit, but we fucking LOVED each other. It spoiled me in a lot of ways for years. Frankie was my first relationship and it was about as passionate and intense as a relationship can be. I didn't think anyone would ever love me that much again. I didn't think that I would ever love someone that much again. I thought it was just first love magic.
I dated a lot of guys over the past few years. None of them were right for me. I didn't feel a true connection with any of them. I never felt that I could be myself around them the way I could around Frankie. Then I met Rob. I remember telling Renee and my parents that I hadn't felt that way since I was 16 and that awkward greaser followed me around my friend's birthday party. And for this reason I'm grateful for Frankie. If I hadn't experienced that "once in a lifetime" love with him, I wouldn't have been able to recognize it when it actually did show up for a second time. I learned a lot about being in a relationship during my years with Frankie. I grew up a lot. And because of that I had the fucking courage to move away just to see if it would work out with Rob. I was never scared to do it. I knew that it would be worth it because I hadn't felt that way in years. I had to see where it was going to go. Frankie taught me that true love is rare and special and you shouldn't fucking pussyfoot around it. You have to say it out loud a lot and mean it. You have to follow it. It's kind of all that life is.
Rob and I are still nuts about each other, growing closer everyday. Frank sent me a message the other day that said "though you are missed and loved in the Big D, i know Frankie was proud of you for following your heart to Colorado." I think that's true, because Frankie did tell me that. And I don't think I would have done it if I'd never known him.
People who witnessed the relationship between Frankie and me would definitely say it was unhealthy. It went on for a lot longer than it should have, but that was because we really were just absolutely nuts about each other. We weren't compatible in the least bit, but we fucking LOVED each other. It spoiled me in a lot of ways for years. Frankie was my first relationship and it was about as passionate and intense as a relationship can be. I didn't think anyone would ever love me that much again. I didn't think that I would ever love someone that much again. I thought it was just first love magic.
I dated a lot of guys over the past few years. None of them were right for me. I didn't feel a true connection with any of them. I never felt that I could be myself around them the way I could around Frankie. Then I met Rob. I remember telling Renee and my parents that I hadn't felt that way since I was 16 and that awkward greaser followed me around my friend's birthday party. And for this reason I'm grateful for Frankie. If I hadn't experienced that "once in a lifetime" love with him, I wouldn't have been able to recognize it when it actually did show up for a second time. I learned a lot about being in a relationship during my years with Frankie. I grew up a lot. And because of that I had the fucking courage to move away just to see if it would work out with Rob. I was never scared to do it. I knew that it would be worth it because I hadn't felt that way in years. I had to see where it was going to go. Frankie taught me that true love is rare and special and you shouldn't fucking pussyfoot around it. You have to say it out loud a lot and mean it. You have to follow it. It's kind of all that life is.
Rob and I are still nuts about each other, growing closer everyday. Frank sent me a message the other day that said "though you are missed and loved in the Big D, i know Frankie was proud of you for following your heart to Colorado." I think that's true, because Frankie did tell me that. And I don't think I would have done it if I'd never known him.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Looking through old myspace messages, because...I like to feel sad? Found this message from Frankie. My birthday 2008.
I love you Sharon, I'm sorry about a lot thats happened between us in the past few
years but I'm not sorry that I've known you and loved you this whole time. I wish I could have been better to you but it still wouldn't be as good as what you
deserve from me or anybody. I hope whatever you're up tothis year on your birthday you take a good moment to think about yourself and how special you are to me and everyone else
you know. Love yourself like I love you and don't settle for less ever. You deserve to be happy and thats what I want for you. I love you. I always have and I always will.
You're still perfect to me and I'll never stop feeling that way.
Happy birthday.
Love always,
Forever and ever and ever.
- your frankie.
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